Why couples break-up during Valentine’s day?
Do you know that more break-ups and relationship problems occur during and after Valentine’s day? Yes, in fact, some studies had found this disturbing truth.
If so, then why this happens? What causes the problem? Is it the valentine’s day itself?
Here’s what research tells us about valentine’s day:
We expect too much.
One thing that contributes problem is our high expectation. We expect too much from the event – that our partner will give us stuffs that match what we envisioned. The problem is oftentimes we don’t get what we expected. When something did not turn as expected, friction arises. Disappointment will create conflict. One study found that couples who enter marriage with too much positive expectation with their future relationship face tremendous relationship disappointment later in their married life. While couples who have a realistic expectation about their future are more likely succeed in their married life.
We always compare ourselves with others.
During Valentine’s day, people are sharing stuff about love and talking about beautiful places to go on dates. Most often these types of conversations are shared throughout social media. But because we see and hear what other people are saying, it becomes seemingly difficult for us to avoid making comparisons with others. And when there is a comparison, there is inferiority and dissatisfaction. We tend to consider ourselves lesser than other people. Then self-pity comes in.
We magnify the conflict.
Because many expectations that are not met, and there is too much disappointment buffered by dissatisfaction (due to comparison), an already problematic relationship can become dysfunctional. All of these are rooted in pursuing perfection. We often forget that perfection is not real. And yet we set it as a standard.
So how can we resolve the conflict? Is it through giving chocolates and flowers to our loved ones? Certainly not. Or not enough. The best thing to do according to research is to show kindness to our partners. It involves giving appreciations and compliments even in times of disappointments. We need to recognize that sometimes, good plans are executed poorly that causes failure. But it’s not the outcome that matters, it is the intention. So “appreciate the intent.”