How to assess covert narcissism in relationships?
Narcissists are known to be charming, empathic and sensitive to others’ feelings. But their true identity speaks the opposite side. They are often manipulative and exploitative.
Covert narcissists are self-centered. They value themselves more than others. As a result, their main concern is their self-satisfaction, enjoyment, and success.
Common characteristics of a covert narcissist
- Indifferent of others’ feelings and experiences
- Demean others to make himself/herself appear more powerful
- Indifferent of others’ needs, desires, and wants
- Lacks of empathy
- Aggressive or arrogant
- Have an unreal sense of self-importance
- Have unrealistic fantasies for high achievements, attractiveness, ideal relationship, etc.
- Demands compliments and recognition from others
In a brand new relationship, a covert narcissist tends to show too much affection, attention, and love. He/she will treat you as the most important person in his/her life or in the entire world. He/she seems to give or does anything and everything to make you happy.
But such pacing is too fast and seldom happen in a normal relationship. Mostly, a healthy relationship slowly develops through the aid of time.
Indifference is one of the sings of narcissism. For instance, you already have told him/her that there’s nothing to rush, that you want to slow things down but he/she never listens.
Covert narcissists do not follow others’ suggestions. They know what they are doing and they do it by purpose. They make sure the result of their manipulation should serve the purpose.
Who is the common target of covert narcissists?
Covert narcissists are very good at finding their prey. And their most favorite target is the depressed or people who have emotional sufferings. But before they make their first move, they make sure that they know your background. They design and plan their actions.
Covert narcissists launch their attack by showing their honesty, trustworthiness, and sweet promises. If you are smart, these actions may mean something to you. Real trustworthy and honest person does not boast through words, he/she prefers actions over hollow words.
Why covert narcissists tend to hurt others?
One of the factors is the sense of entitlement. Narcissists feel that they are entitled of respect, more success, and happiness. The only problem is that they tend to achieve these things at the expense of others’ feelings and dignity.
If you are in a relationship with someone who possesses these characteristics, you need to be careful. Find ways to save yourself from the possible danger. Narcissists do not allow their opponents to win.
Spotting a covert narcissist in the earlier stage of the relationship can be helpful. Falling in love with someone who will exploit your weaknesses will not give you any piece of joy.
However, like other psychological disorders, narcissism can be difficult to assess. You may need a professional to determine whether or not a person is really a covert narcissist. Seek help if necessary.
How will you deal with a covert narcissist?
Experts believe that changing this personality trait is difficult. This is because narcissists do not entertain objective criticisms. They protect their emotional and psychological state making them stubborn and indifferent of others’ opinion.
Thus, experts suggest that you pay attention or prioritize your own self-worth. Do not try to please a narcissist. In other words, value yourself more than feeding a narcissist emotional and psychological needs.
I’m a licensed psychometrician, author, and blogger. I’m currently working as a University instructor teaching psychology. I love writing and doing psychological research.