How do we know that we’re choosing the wrong person? This question bothers people especially for those who are about to take a vow of marriage.
Frankly, no one knows exactly who the right person is.
But the real question here is not how, but why.
Most of the divorced couples shared one common experience; they suffer the price of marrying the “wrong person.” As a result, many relationships have broken up.
Because we don’t know exactly who the right person for us, we all likely to commit the same mistake. The uncertainty and latency of so many factors that play a significant role of “being right” in the process of choosing the perfect person, makes it almost impossible for us to marry with a perfect one.
However, perfection is not really the issue here. The real cause is our cognitive appraisal or the way we see circumstances in our daily life.
In other words, it is our faulty evaluation of people we meet every day that causes the problem. It is our mind that makes faulty reality not the actual consequences of our action.
Below are examples of faulty thinking that most people might have been committing.
We think we chose the wrong person.
Do you know who you really are? This question freezes us sometimes. It is an indication that we don’t really understand ourselves.
An intimate relationship is a process of linking ourselves with other people. It is some sort of connection that binds us with someone we love.
This connection process requires harmony. Unfortunately, harmony sometimes becomes an expensive commodity that we can’t afford.
Failure to adhere cohesiveness on both parties creates conflict. When there is conflict, we tend to interpret things in a conventional and automatic manner. We then begin to attribute the consequence of an action to something.
For example, if the relationship did not work, people put the blame on their partner. They think that their husband or wife is not the right person to live with for their entire life.
But the truth is they’ve missed the whole picture. They don’t really understand who they are.
If we don’t truly understand who we are, we will find it difficult to relate ourselves to others. We will most likely fail to connect ourselves with someone we love.
Because a relationship is about interaction. How can we effectively interact if we don’t know the real image of ourselves?
If we don’t know who we are, then most probably we have no idea where we’re heading. There will be no goals. Where will we bring the relationship that we have?
Knowing oneself is pretty subjective. It is up to you how you will define yourself.
Nonetheless, your personal perception of yourself will greatly affect your relationship.
So examine yourself clearly.
To know more about yourself, try to answer the following questions:
What makes you happy?
What are you passionate about?
Do you forget what you hate doing?
What makes you proud?
How’s your relationship with other people?
How’s your relationship with your parents?
What do you think the purpose of your life?
Do you really trust yourself in difficult situations?
What is your greatest fear?
These questions may be insignificant to you, but if you give it a shot it will help you discover your true personality.
We think we understand other people.
Aside from knowing our “own self”, understanding other people is equally important. Like knowing ourselves, understanding other people may be more complicated.
To fully understand other people we need to consider a lot of factors. These are usually in large scale. It involves examining the environmental context of a person. It is the only way to grasp the whole picture.
We need to remember that we are being molded in our immediate surroundings. We were taught by our parents, we learned to speak the language that our neighbors are speaking and we inherit almost everything society had to offer.
Therefore, our family and the society we grew from have a great impact on our personal attributes.
Needless to say, to understand other people we need to bring their familial and environmental background together.
The problem is most of the time we often give our judgment based solely on our personal evaluation.
Despite how good you are, you can’t really understand an individual just by looking at his/her personal characteristics.
The problem in our society today is that we live in a fast-moving world, always in haste. People make decisions so fast.
In fact, some people enter into marriage almost instantly without knowing the person thoroughly.
Knowing someone’s behavior or personality requires time. We don’t talk about days and weeks here, but years.